Top Ten Reasons Ann Coulter is America’s Sweetheart

With Bush & Cheney's popularity waning Ann Coulter has become the new poster child for compassionate conservatism. Here are the top-ten reasons she's become America's Sweetheart.

10). "There’s something about a female Archie Bunker that makes my head spin." -- Bill O'Reilly (Conservative crumudgeon and host of the No-Spin Zone).

9). "A woman who can talk tax cuts, firearms, and NASCAR sure puts me in the mood." -- Sean Hannity

8). Doesn’t every guy in America secretly desire a towering, tart-tongued, condescending termagant who earns 50 times what he does?

7). Coulter’s cameo as Captain Jack Sparrow’s psychopathic aunt in the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: Revenge of the Shrew will make her as popular among today’s school children as Miss Gulch (the Wicked Witch of the East) from The Wizard of Oz was during the depression.

6). With Coulter’s killer body, personal charm, and innate diplomatic skills I’m surprised the Bush Administration hasn’t appointed her ambassador to North Korea. I’m sure Kim Jung Ill would give up his nukes to go one-on-one with Ann.

5). Ann’s innate warmth, self-effacing modesty, and abundant empathy are qualities any prospective mother-in law would appreciate.

4). "It's about time somebody had the gumption to stand up to all those victims of Hurricane Katrina that had the temerity to make Bush look bad." -- Katherine Harris

3). Scientists discover that Ann’s frigid personality single-handedly offsets the effects of global warming.

2). With Brittany Spears in rehab, Coulter remains the only bona fide female conservative intellectual we have in the U.S.

1). “Hey, give Ann a break. She’s no longer the same gal who pulled the wings off butterflies, blew up frogs with firecrackers, and tried to set the homeless on fire.” -- Childhood friend.

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