Taxing Times for Obama

These are taxing times for Obama's nominees. It would seem only fair that Washington's powerbrokers – the same people responsible for our convoluted tax system – ought to set an example by forking over their fair share of the onerous taxes they impose on everyone.

Of course, like a lot of people I know -- or at least one person I know -- I pay my taxes, which explains why I can't afford a nanny, a chauffeur, or even the $49.95 it costs to buy Turbo-Tax. I suppose the reigning sentiment among the political elite has been "Don't ask. Don't tell" – "Sure I want to be Treasury Secretary. But don't ask me about back taxes, and I won't tell you how much I owe."

Let's face it, "Don't ask. Don't tell" never worked in the military, so it sure won't work with the IRS. Just ask Willie Nelson, Wesley Snipes, and Nicholas Cage. I suppose, however, that former Governor Ron Blagojevich might have invoked the principle to hide any proceeds he might have gained had he been able to sell Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder.

Personally, I think Blagojevich would have been on much firmer ethical ground had he auctioned off the Illinois senate seat on EBay. After all, let Caroline Kennedy and some deep pocket Republican get in a bidding war where the winner has to pay a 7.5% sales tax on the senate seat. This sure would beat the process that is dragging on in Minnesota between Al Franken and Norm Coleman, which has got to be costing the taxpayers in that state plenty.

If it were up to me, which thankfully it is isn't, I'd seat both Coleman and Franken and be done with it. The election was a statistical tie, so giving them half-a-vote each seems an equitable solution; they could cancel each other out all term for all I care. In any event, I do believe Coleman & Franken could rival Abbott & Costello, Laurel & Hardy, and Bill & Hillary as one of the funniest duos in history.

As far as the stimulus goes, I have a few recommendations. Instead of bailing out banks that made bad loans why not use government bailout money to directly bolster the true driving force of the our economy – the American couch potato. After all, we're the ones that buy Plasma TVs, plastic surgery, junk food, weight-loss programs, and all the amenities of life we don't necessarily need, but that nevertheless make both ourselves and the economy grow. Helping overextended dead beats like me pay off debt would in turn help banks balance their books, which would lead to bigger bonuses for CEOs, which would mean more money for influencing peddling and lobbyists, which would allow Washington insiders to once again starting hiring chauffeurs, nannies, and dog walkers. Undoubtedly, this would lead to millions of new jobs and maybe even some tax revenue.

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