Top Ten Reasons Bush and Cheney are Pissed Off at Each Other.

10). Bush insisted Cheney go through metal detector just like everyone else before entering Oval Office, which jolted VP's pacemaker every time.

9). Bush refused to sign executive order rescinding the war-profiteering tax, which cost Cheney, big time.

8). Cheney resented being called Mini-Me, the pet nickname Bush used when referring to the VP in the presence of the military brass.

7). The VP was absolutely certain his incompetent boss would have a serious mountain biking accident in the first 100 days of the Bush administration, which would have paved the way for ten years of a right-wing dream team, Cheney/Rumsfeld. But Bush thwarted his Machiavellian #2 by using a heavily-padded Commander-in-Chief helmet and super-stealth training wheels.

6). Bush vetoed top-secret Cheney plot to use genetically-engineered anti-follicle agent aimed at de-bearding Islamic extremists.

5). Cheney felt snubbed when the president failed to award him combat ribbon following the sharpshooting VP's close-quarter engagement with a trial lawyer while duck hunting.

4). Cheney consistently refused to divulge the whereabouts of his secure location, even to the president, which freaked out the normally unflappable Bush.

3). One person stood between Dick Cheney and his goal of being Master of the Universe. And you don't think Cheney resented his boss?

2). Unbeknown to the media and the public, Bush insisted Cheney dress up as the Easter Bunny every year for the annual egg roll on the White House lawn. Apparently, it was Bush's way of ensuring his overweight and out of shape VP got enough exercise, but Cheney deeply resented hopping around in a hot furry suit for several hours while children laughed at the sight of him.

1). Bush refused every single invitation Cheney made to take him duck hunting.

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Taxing Times for Obama

These are taxing times for Obama's nominees. It would seem only fair that Washington's powerbrokers – the same people responsible for our convoluted tax system – ought to set an example by forking over their fair share of the onerous taxes they impose on everyone.

Of course, like a lot of people I know -- or at least one person I know -- I pay my taxes, which explains why I can't afford a nanny, a chauffeur, or even the $49.95 it costs to buy Turbo-Tax. I suppose the reigning sentiment among the political elite has been "Don't ask. Don't tell" – "Sure I want to be Treasury Secretary. But don't ask me about back taxes, and I won't tell you how much I owe."

Let's face it, "Don't ask. Don't tell" never worked in the military, so it sure won't work with the IRS. Just ask Willie Nelson, Wesley Snipes, and Nicholas Cage. I suppose, however, that former Governor Ron Blagojevich might have invoked the principle to hide any proceeds he might have gained had he been able to sell Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder.

Personally, I think Blagojevich would have been on much firmer ethical ground had he auctioned off the Illinois senate seat on EBay. After all, let Caroline Kennedy and some deep pocket Republican get in a bidding war where the winner has to pay a 7.5% sales tax on the senate seat. This sure would beat the process that is dragging on in Minnesota between Al Franken and Norm Coleman, which has got to be costing the taxpayers in that state plenty.

If it were up to me, which thankfully it is isn't, I'd seat both Coleman and Franken and be done with it. The election was a statistical tie, so giving them half-a-vote each seems an equitable solution; they could cancel each other out all term for all I care. In any event, I do believe Coleman & Franken could rival Abbott & Costello, Laurel & Hardy, and Bill & Hillary as one of the funniest duos in history.

As far as the stimulus goes, I have a few recommendations. Instead of bailing out banks that made bad loans why not use government bailout money to directly bolster the true driving force of the our economy – the American couch potato. After all, we're the ones that buy Plasma TVs, plastic surgery, junk food, weight-loss programs, and all the amenities of life we don't necessarily need, but that nevertheless make both ourselves and the economy grow. Helping overextended dead beats like me pay off debt would in turn help banks balance their books, which would lead to bigger bonuses for CEOs, which would mean more money for influencing peddling and lobbyists, which would allow Washington insiders to once again starting hiring chauffeurs, nannies, and dog walkers. Undoubtedly, this would lead to millions of new jobs and maybe even some tax revenue.

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Obamanomics

Barack Obama is inheriting the most challenging circumstances of any president since FDR. The United States is engaged in two major land wars, it is confronting increasing ecological challenges as its infrastructure crumbles, and it is the midst of a global financial meltdown. Such is the legacy of George W. Bush.

The task Obama faces is monumental. His diagnosis and prescription for America's economic ills, which he outlines in a Washington Post Op-Ed, "The Action America Needs," strike me as commmonsensical and fundamentally sound. In short, he must retool the U.S. economy for the 21^st century. To grasp what Obama must do it is important to understand what America failed to do under the previous administration, which will almost certainly go down as one the worst in our country's history.

For the past thirty years, Washington has largely been enthralled by market fundamentalism. This is the superstition that economic, social, and environmental decisions are best left to a rarified entity known as the "free market." The dogma goes something like this: countless rational actors pursuing their self interest (as they buy and sell with each other) can generate a collective wisdom that no government or bureaucracy could ever hope to attain.

Unbridled faith in free markets was supposed to lead to economic equilibrium; instead it has brought the entire global economic system to the brink of collapse.

Unfettered free markets were supposed to allocate resources optimally, obviate the need for long-range planning, and inexorably expand our economic and political freedoms. Instead, a narrow segment of "financial wizards" enriched themselves, cannibalized their companies, banks, and other financial institutions, while leaving taxpayers to foot the bill for a huge government bailout necessary to keep the financial system from collapsing entirely. As a result, most Americans find themselves financially overextended and insecure.

For the past thirty years, we have had a system that privatized profits, but socialized risk. Not long ago, Wall Street was soaring. But much of the paper profits generated by the financial sector have proven to be a mirage. Wall Street was adept at making money out of money, so long as its customers didn't ask any too many questions about the complex financial instruments that were in fact cobbled together with sub-prime mortgages.

Herein lays the essence of America's current misfortune: making money out of money is not the same thing as making something real. As America's financial sector swelled its manufacturing base dwindled. The United States cannot be a prosperous country without making and selling the goods and services the world needs and wants. Enlisting America's best and brightest to repackage and sell debt was never a sustainable strategy for ensuring our nation's economic success.

The most promising new American growth industry will involve so-called "green jobs." Put simply, inventing and selling the next generation of energy sources and energy efficient technologies is America's best hope of transforming our economy and restoring the United States as the world's leading economic innovator.

Accomplishing this goal will require a new social compact, one that recognizes education, infrastructure, and healthcare as public goods that require sustained and substantial investment from taxpayers. For instance, soon after the United States embraced public education it rapidly eclipsed its European rivals economically. Likewise, the G.I Bill paid enormous dividends for decades in terms of productivity and prosperity. Similarly, both Eisenhower's interstate highway program and the government initiative that led to the Internet demonstrate how far-sighted government policies can open up entire new economic vistas.

Universal single-payer healthcare is a matter of both moral and financial necessity. The current system is grossly inefficient on many levels. By design, private insurers seek to cover those that need healthcare the least and exclude those that need it the most. Therefore, taxpayers that pay for private health insurance also cough up tax dollars to pay for public clinics and emergency room visits by the uninsured. Once again, profits are privatized but risk is socialized.

Employers and employees are increasingly burdened by the current system. After all, the high-cost of mandated health insurance discourages companies from adding and retaining employees. And fear of losing employer-sponsored health insurance discourages many workers from seeking more satisfying and rewarding work. In short, universal healthcare can deliver better care to more people, thus leading to a healthier and more productive workforce.

The Obama administration has opportunity to tie short-term stimulus measures to longer-term investments along the lines I've outlined. Most Republicans remain wedded to the discredited mindset that got us into this mess in the first place. For instance, Linda Chavez proposes giving every American a debit card, presumably so we can by a gas-guzzler or another plasma TV. However, if the last eight years have taught us anything it is that an economy predicated on perpetual consumerism is a dead end.

The sagest economists I've read say that the United States can grow its way out of the economic mess the Bush administration has bequeathed us. However, to do so it will have to invest heavily in education, infrastructure, and healthcare, the things that will ultimately help America reinvent the economy. One thing is certain, pouring money into bailouts or consumer toys is not the way create the prosperity of tomorrow.

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