Top Ten Reasons Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Should Get to Keep His Job.

10). Gonzales keeps all of the administration’s “get out of jail” cards in his wallet.

9). “Those mean and nasty democrats just got Libby, and now they’re picking on another short guy. Why don’t they pick on someone their own size?” – Osama bin Laden (World’s tallest evildoer).

8). As long as Gonzales is Attorney General it would be a blatant conflict of interest for him to prosecute himself for lying under oath before Congress, condoning illegal wiretaps, or crafting torture guidelines that violate the Geneva Conventions.

7). “A truly independent Attorney General that didn’t owe his entire career to George W. Bush, now that’s a scary thought.” –Anonymous high official

6). If Bush fired Gonzales he’d break his pledge to “look out for the little guy.”

5). “First Rummy, then Libby, and now Stubby. This is beginning to look like that Agatha Christie novel, The Ten Little Indians, where someone gets bumped off one by one until there’s nobody left.” -- Anonymous high official hunkered down in a secure location

4). According to torture guidelines drawn up by top democrats, it may be more tormenting to let Gonzales twist in the wind with the rest of the administration for another 21 months.

3). “I’m not in favor of dismissing our Attorney General, but if George does have to let Alberto go I hope we can find a place for him with the Rose Garden landscaping crew.” First Lady Laura Bush

2). Very few experts in the administration are left who could draft new torture memos in case Osama is caught.

1). Hard to find someone of Gonzales’ stature to fill the job.

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