Interview with Bill Clinton: Is Hillary a Monster?

Bill Clinton has campaigned tirelessly on behalf of his wife, Hillary. Deconstructing Demagogues sat down with the former president to get his take on the 08 race, but before doing so we slipped a little truth serum into big guy’s Diet Pepsi. After all, Bill has a habit of stretching, bending, and twisting, the truth with as much flexible gusto as a gymnast on steroids. What follows is transcript of William Jefferson Clinton at his unfiltered, unvarnished, and unguarded best.

Deconstructing Demagogues: Thank you very much, Mr. President, for taking the time to sit down with us.

Bill Clinton: Hey, good to be here with you, and thanks so much for donating $11. 19 cents to my library, every little bit helps. Say, do you have anymore of those glazed donuts with the strawberry jelly inside?

Deconstructing Demagogues: I’m afraid you ate the last dozen, Mr. President, but you are welcome to polish off the rest of my frozen slurrpy.

Bill Clinton: Thanks, man. Campaigning always seems to whet my appetite.

Deconstructing Demagogues: Speaking of campaigns. An Obama advisor, Samantha Power, recently described Hillary as a “monster,” what is your response?

Bill Clinton: Well, she’s right, but only when Hillary gets mad, which thankfully is just once or twice a week these days. You know, everyone has his or her dark side. And with Hillary you just got to accept that every once and a while she’ll get so incensed and wrathful that you expect to see her eyes pop out her head.

Deconstructing Demagogues: What’s that like?

Bill Clinton: Well, it’s a little bit like watching the character played by Linda Blair in film The Exorcist, but Hillary does it all without special effects, scary make-up, or even acting skills.

Deconstructing Demagogues: Wow! But what do you think of Samantha Power? Was it right for her to resign based on the fact that what she said was true?

Bill Clinton: Samantha Power. She’s that cute redhead isn’t she? She could brief me anytime, if you know what I mean.

Deconstructing Demagogues: There’s been a lot of speculation about a so-called “Dream Team.” If Hillary wins the nomination do you think she’ll pick Obama as her vice-president?

Bill Clinton: I’m afraid I’m going to be the vice-president, but I’m not supposed to say anything publicly.

Deconstructing Demagogues: some would say you already were the Vice-President, but that raises another interesting question: what are we going to call you if Hillary is elected? Should we call you the First Laddie?

Bill Clinton: I’m kind of partial to the First Cad, but that’s off the record. If Hillary hears me say anything like that I’d be better off spending the next eight years at Guantanamo as an Enemy Combatant!


Deconstructing Demagogues: Let’s talk about the campaign. A lot of observers say that Hillary’s ad showing her answering the phone at 3am convinced voters in Texas and Ohio that she’s more qualified to handle a crisis. But a lot of Obama supporters believe the ad was fear mongering. What did you think about the ad?

Bill Clinton: To tell the truth, I thought the 3am ad was pretty hopeful. When I was president that’s was about the time that I got calls from that woman, Ms. Lewinsky, and I was always hoping I’d reach the phone before Hillary. So in that sense, I think that ad was pretty positive.

Deconstructing Demagogues: I see. One final question. Like all former presidents you’ve been reluctant to criticize the current occupant of the oval office. Many observers feel President Bush will go down in history as easily the worst chief executive in our country’s history. What do you think about his performance as Commander-in-Chief?

Bill Clinton: I think he’s doing a heck of job.

Deconstructing Demagogues: I have the feeling the truth serum I slipped you before the interview is starting to wear off. But I want to thank you for taking the time with us Mr. President.

Bill Clinton: Truth serum. What is this . . . some vast left wing conspiracy. Shame on you Deconstructing Demagogues. You are worse than Ken Starr!

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