Top Ten Accomplishments of the Bush Administration (from a liberal perspective).
10). Bush has managed to do what even Bill and Hillary could never hope to do: he has destroyed the Republican Party.
9). Rather than soak the rich through tax hikes he simply bankrupted the country so everyone is poor.
8). Dubya’s close identification with private retirement accounts virtually ensures no politician will ever try to privatize Social Security again.
7). G.W.B. is likely to be the last white guy from a backward southern state to make it to the Oval Office for a long time.
6). Bush has managed to turn Clinton fatigue into Clinton nostalgia. Filegate, Pardongate, Travelgate, Monicagate, & Hillarycare. Ah . . . those were the days!
5). Bush’s flight suit photo-op antics makes Michael Dukakis look like Patton in comparison.
4). Hey, it’s only poetic justice for Bush himself to do more than anyone else to overturn Bush vs. Gore in the eyes of History.
3). After three recessions and four wars under two George Bushes we can be damn well sure the country will never elect another George Bush again.
2). Bush’s malapropisms, the so-called Bushisms, represent some of the greatest political humor ever conceived.
1). Bush managed to fuse elements of Elizabethan tragedy and vaudevillian farce. It’s like having Adam Sandler play King Lear. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I can’t stop watching.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, December 10, 2007
Top Ten Reasons it Would be Great to Have Bill Clinton in the White House Again
10) With Bill and Hillary occupying the White House, the warmongering right-wing nut cases will be forced to focus on regime change here at home rather than abroad.
9) A reality-based series based on Bill’s everyday life – you could call it Sex in High Places -- sure would beat watching reruns of Sex in the City.
8) Bill will put Dick Cheney’s secure location to better use.
7) Bubba's exploits, as documented in a much anticipated follow-up to the Starr Report, will allow me to spend less money every month on online porn.
6) I’d like to see Hillary use expanded executive authority to order the use of coercive interrogation techniques on Bill when he’s caught in the Oval Office broom closet with another White House intern.
5) Eight more years in the White House will allow Bill to screw the Republicans for a long time.
4) Two terms with Bubba won’t bother me since I have a v-chip installed in my TV.
3) Bill has super duper secret plan to change the national anthem to "I Feel Good" by James Brown.
2) After eight years of George Jr., I don’t care about honor and dignity in the Oval Office, I just want someone who knows what they are doing!
1) Hey, if you are a political satirist wouldn’t you want to put Falstaff and Lady Macbeth back on the pedestal of power, if only to get a second chance at knocking them off their perch.
