Thursday, June 28, 2007

George W. Bush -- Multiple Choice Test

One day, perhaps fifty years from now, the story of the Bush Administration and the Battle for Iraq will figure prominently in the history books. American schoolchildren will be given multiple-choice quizzes to test their knowledge of this crucial period of American history. Deconstructing Demagogues has obtained an advance copy of the still top-secret examination.

1). Which country was NOT part of the coalition of the willing that liberated Iraq from the evildoer Saddam?

a) Moldavia
b) Atlantis
c) The Republic of Tonga

2). Saddam’s missing WMD cache was eventually found where:

a) An antique shop right outside Tikrit where Donald Rumsfeld said they were all along.
b) A gun show held in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven in Waco, Texas.
c) A 4th of July fireworks display at Disneyland.
d) We think they were actually in Iran, but it may be centuries before we can shift through the radioactive rubble to confirm this hypothesis.

3). Which public relations event revived the Bush presidency in the eyes of both the public and historians?

a) President Bush in a wet suit and a snorkel looking for survivors after Katrina II.
b) The unveiling of Bush’s statue in Baghdad after the president issued an executive order declaring Iraq was America’s 51st state during the final days of his term.
c) Bush heroic last words, “Yipeekayeeee Mother Earth,” just before the secret space shuttle he was piloting tragically crashed into the international space station.


4). Global Warming turned out to be less of a big deal than expected because:

a) Water from melting polar icecaps helped extinguish wildfires that nearly consumed the entire state of California.
b) When temperatures hit 150 degrees in Baghdad during the summer of 2008 the insurgents sued for peace in exchange for U.S. commitment to install frozen slurpee stands in every mosque in Iraq.
c) Cheney’s Ark proved to be the one project the vice-president championed that left the naysayers looking foolish.

5). The U.S. Mint replaced George Washington’s likeness on the $1 bill with George W. Bush’s mug because:

a) The dollar is now worth a fraction of what it once was
b) New treasury department slogan -- “It’s your money. You paid for it.” Which replaced “In God we Trust” – seemed a better fit with Bush’s portrait than Washington’s
c) $$$ with Bush likeness proved a brilliant economic policy in so far as eager foreigners scooped up cheap paper currency, which proved more cost effective than Kleenex tissue and other household paper products.

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